Healing, Glowing, and Growing – One Act of Self-Care At a Time

Healing means facing the part of ourselves that was silenced – the versions of us that were hurt, misunderstood, and blamed for simply existing. This is my letter to that girl who never got to be a child, who was punished for feeling too deeply, from me now, who is still finding a way to grow, to love, and survive.

Dear Me,

I forgive you.

I forgive the child who never got to be carefree. The one who was punished for mistakes that weren’t always necessarily hers, who was called names instead of comforted, who was constantly met with anger instead of understanding. You were a child expected to carry the emotional weight of adults who never learned how to manage their own feelings.

There was never room for forgiveness – only negative criticism, control, and shame. The people who should have guided you lacked the emotional intelligence and maturity to do so. They couldn’t access the part of themselves capable of reflection, empathy, or grace. You were not broken – you were raised in brokenness.

I forgive the little girl who still saw truth in the chaos, even if you didn’t always understand it. The one who, even without the ability to effectively communicate, recognized that something wasn’t right. Deep down, you knew that love wasn’t supposed to hurt, that “discipline” shouldn’t mean humiliation and control, and that silence shouldn’t have been the price for peace. You recognized manipulation and gaslighting long before you understood those terms – and that awareness was the first act of resistance.

I forgive the woman you became – the one who carried those same survival patterns into adulthood. The one who endured manipulation and military sexual trauma (MST), experiences that echo the same silencing and disbelief of childhood. You were conditioned to question yourself, to accept blame, to think pain was the price of love. But you survived – and your survival is a quiet rebellion that tried to erase….you.

I forgive you when you still believe it was your fault. For apologizing too quickly when you’re not wrong for feeling. For staying small to stay safe. You adapt, you endure, and you keep going. You ARE a badass bitch! I see you trying to be better, although not healed- you are enough!!!

Now To My Children:

I am incredibly sorry.

I am sorry for the times I couldn’t show up for you completely healed. For the moments when my pain and insecurities spoke louder than my love. For the times I was so focused on teaching you strength and character that I forgot to acknowledge and validate your feelings – the very thing I once needed most.

You deserved a mother who was present, calm, and whole. I haven’t always been that for you. I promise, every day I am becoming her. I am breaking cycles so that you won’t have to. I am learning how to model love that doesn’t come with fear, and forgiveness and grace that don’t require perfection. I just hope I am not too late.

I hope you can forgive the mother in me who has learned through trial and tenderness. Healing isn’t a straight path, and parenting while healing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. However, it is also the most sacred – because you, my children, are my reason to keep going.

Today, I choose to forgive myself for:

*Believing I was unworthy of gentleness or forgiveness.

*Carrying guilt that never belonged to me.

*Surviving in ways that sometimes hurt others.

*Learning how to parent while still re-parenting myself.

Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past – it releases its hold on the present. It gives that misunderstood child within me the peace she’s always deserved. It gives my children the gift of a mother who continues to grow, soften, and love more openly with every step.

With Love,

Me.

You can explore the tools I have created for my own personal healing journey here:

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